Yesterday was my *least* favorite race of life. It was also my fastest.... so technically, a personal best. Which probably explains why it was my least favorite.
I actually remember thinking "I hate this." There was no runner's high... only runner's low.
It was hot. It was dry. My mouth was pasty.
I didn't even feel like high fiving the little kids along the sidelines. I don't think I've ever been so grouchy when running before. Very uncharacteristic of me... usually running makes me feel so joyous.
But yesterday.. man.. if this was my personal best... I would hate to see my personal worst.
I think at some point after the three kilometer mark, I realized my expectation for coming in below 44 minutes was ill-founded... and as a result I spent the next 7 kilometers being mad at myself for not having done more speed work.
I think in every other race I've done, I just go out and surprise myself, and as a result, I'm happy with the results. It seems like expectations are a bit of a kryptonite for me, and I would rather come from behind unexpectedly, then let myself down when I fall short of my goal.
I read somewhere that unhappiness is when you are too attached to the way you think things should be going.
... and I don't think it's unrealistic to set my sights on a 42 minute 10km... I just have to put a more tangible amount of work into training for it. I think I was too attached to taking the path of least resistance. If I'm going to think that I need to obtain a certain goal, then I'm going to have to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
And that my friends, is about as profound as I can be today because I'm still feeling slightly dehydrated.
Mike told me to chin up because in his words "even if I had a 17 minute head start, you still would have beat me." Thanks MK. That does help a bit.
Thankfully, right now I'm thinking I should be eating some Thai food for dinner, which is making me immensely happy at the thought. And if there ever was a time when I was at my personal best, it's when I'm eating some curry out of a pineapple.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go drink my weight in electrolytes.