This month, more than any other month we've spent together in the past year, has gone by at warp-neck speed. I sat down to go over some other house-keeping stuff and I was seriously floored that tomorrow is April 1 (ugggghhh tax season!). Where does time go? Why do I feel like we're in a barrel, rolling down an incline that just keeps getting steeper?
This month has been snow melting, and then falling again (it never fails; we ALWAYS seem to get that last "GOT'CHYA" snowstorm in March!). It has been talking about our health, and how important it is to us. And on that note, it has been about prioritizing; in realizing and honing in on the things that are most important in life; in finding the sore-bruised spots in my personality that are cloaked in pride, and not knowing where to put them. In learning slowly how to push that stuff aside. I'm weakest when I'm looking far ahead to the future - always so desperate to have every single stepped laid out in front of me. Day-to-day, I second guess myself, thinking success or titles should be driving me, but then I sit back on my heels and hold my arms out to June as she is just starting to take those first steps, or I lay on the ground and have her immediately come over from where ever she is playing, and paw at me. And as she pulls my hair and looks at the strands in her fingers, or wavers and stumbles and falls face first into my chest, before pulling back and looking up at me with a sense of determination and pride in everything she's learning in that moment, and I'm reminded, no- convicted that life is in this fabric that is now. It's not in future plans, or past achievements; it's now, it's this. It's being a the best mother I can be, which on some days is only operating at 50%, and that's OK too. I am very certain, more in this month then ever before, that "Mother" is just the most awesome title.
I've spent a lot of time looking at what I want for us as a family; on who I'm supposed to be in this super competitive world when sometimes it seems like we're supposed to be ALL things for ALL people. I don't want to spend the next 20 years of motherhood, driving myself into the ground trying to be everything. I want to do a few things - the important things - really well. It's not a lot to ask, but I have to admit, I've found it hard to loosen my grip on prideful goals that can distract me. So that's been my March; narrowing it down, focusing in, prioritizing and trying to quiet all that extra noise that tends to get in the way of the things in life that can really make you happy.
Which is to say, it's just been an awesome month. The sort of month a girl can really get some thinking done in :) Man I do love Spring. SO much to be thankful for at this time of year <3 Growth!
Here are some of my favourite moments we've had along the way!