What a difference a week can make. Some Mondays I don’t really bounce out of bed as quickly as I’d like - but I'm just so glad that this Monday is a 180 turn from where we were last week at this time that I’m basically singing my way to the office. Last Wednesday we got some really relieving news. We’d had a pretty ambiguous ultrasound the week before when we went in for the routine 18-20 week anatomy scan, and we spent the week in a purgatory waiting to talk to someone who actually could explain to us what was going on. During that week we did a lot of praying, a lot of trying to distract ourselves, talking to family members and a lot of comfort eating. By the time we sat down in that really intimidating room with the specialist and the emergency box of kleenex both Mike and I were completely emotionally drained. In a moment of pure blessing and grace we heard the news that every parent wants to hear “Your baby is fine. Everything is completely normal. Go enjoy your pregnancy.”
As I tend to do in moments like that one - the really important life changing ones - I don’t know how much I showed on my face. But inside me a million little pieces of worry just evaporated and when I walked out of that office clutching Mike’s hand I think I felt the lightest I’ve ever felt in my life. It’s true that parenthood is one worry after another - I know we’ll be faced with so many moments throughout our lives where there’s uncertainty and worry. But it’s another truth altogether to be in a situation like this one - before you’ve even started - and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I also don’t think everyone gets tested like this so early (I hope that if this was the test, we passed!) The whole scenario has made me question ultrasounds - or at least make me understand them a bit more. They don’t just give you “a picture of your baby” - they give you a whole lot of information. Maybe that’s an evident statement? I don’t know - I wish someone had told me that before I went into it.
I have to say I am blessed truly inside and out to have Mike by my side in this world. I’ve never felt such a spectrum of low to high like I felt during this one week period. He never wavered and let me know that no matter what, everything was going to be alright - even though I know he was just as scared as I was. But regardless of how he was feeling, he reminded me that we’re doing this together. During the follow-up ultrasound, one of first pictures we saw of the baby showed him or her giving a thumbs-up. Mike said it was our baby's way of telling us that everything would be fine and "I've got this mama."
So yea - easy to say that was probably the worst week of my life. But it ended with one of the happiest moments of my life. I'm still really not sure what to make of that. I do know it gave me the rock that's my husband - I knew it theoretically before, but I'm carrying that with me now and for always. And man-oh-life are we ever ready to have this baby in our world. Every little flip, flop and back-ache I'm just so thankful that we're waiting on our most special gift ever.