It’s funny sometimes to remember why I started this blog. I was looking for a new beginning, a fresh start and a way to gain a bit of perspective about how I see the world. It was also Spring, and to me, Spring is always about starting over. I always get the itch this time of year for growth – I’m way more inclined to make personal resolutions in March or April than I am in January. January for me is about hibernating. March is about shedding layers and leaving the house for fresh air.
I thought because I’m pregnant I’d be more inclined to be in a holding pattern this year; an I’m-just-going-to-wait-until-after-I-have-the-baby-to: start new projects/try new things/set new bench marks kind-of-season. It couldn't have been further from the truth because I've been more motivated to change in the past few months than any time I can remember in recent history. I pulled apart my closet. I've purged three quarters of the contents of our storage room (still more to go); I've reorganized drawers throughout the house, and this might be the biggest one for me: I completely emptied all my email in boxes. Some of the email in there dated back ten years!! I couldn't believe the baggage I had been carrying around. And all of a sudden it was gone and I feel incredibly light, despite the extra weight ;). Walking into my closet is something I completely crave now. I like to look around at how few things I have in there and marvel at how straight forward the choices are! And when I get an email I delete it or file it or flag it. I don’t know why I had such an aversion to it in the first place.
I guess you could chalk it all up to nesting syndrome. And I know it’s not Spring yet (don't be deceived, that picture ^^^ was taken a few years ago; there's still about 3 feet of snow on our lawn), but it feels like Spring because I've been growing. I completely underestimated the fact that I’m not going to stay the same when I become a mother. I knew the cliché that I would change. I just didn't know it would happen in tiny steps like facing the tiger that was my email in-box, or finally deciding that half the clothes I owned weren't even “me,” I’d just been holding onto them for God only knows what reason. These things seem like little steps, but they feel more real to me. It's like I've always been an organized person deep down, but I let life and excuses get in the way. So ironically it’s the first time I deliberately didn't set resolutions and goals for myself, and magically it becomes the time when I’m changing the most. Growing up is a funny business.