I stopped folding laundry during June's naptime the other day when I realized I will actually never catch up - seriously, there will just always be laundry in the bin and more likely laundry in the dryer waiting to be folded. This is either a good realization to make ... or dangerous one considering I just might give up trying to keep up all together ;) Anyway, it was a good moment to do so because I stopped and also realized that I can't really take enough pauses at this stage. To be honest it's one of the reasons I love breastfeeding the most; it forces you to actually stop and sit and just "be" with your baby. I can't not look into her beautiful eyes - and just be still. And I know it's a cliche thing to write but I have to put it down here so I hold myself accountable; it's hard to keep up with stuff, but it matters little in the long run.
Honestly I remember being in the thick of these early days with June and it was tough - the sleep deprivation, the recuperation from her delivery, not knowing exactly if I was "enough" for my new baby that seemed to have reflux and never was really settled or content; in the midst of all of those new feelings and emotions, I thought it would never end. But of course, it was only a matter of weeks, and then it was over. This memory is a kind of the secret weapon I have going into it for the second time, I know that in the moments when I feel tired, or when I'm nearing the "over-touched" feeling, I realize that this is such a short period of time in everyone's life. And as soon as I remember that it grounds me in the moment again.
So I'm trying to do things like push the piles of laundry aside to really just appreciate what it means to nap all afternoon with Flora while we watch netflix (I mean, I got to do that with June so it's a blessing that I can do it again with her and that we get some one-on-one time when June sleeps. After all, that's a hot commodity when you're a second born!). And to push the guilt aside and snuggle with June and Flora while we watch an episode of Daniel Tiger - guilt because sometimes I feel compelled to be "doing" something with June... and also the screentime always kinda gets to me. Or if Flora is fussing and doesn't want to be put down, to not get upset and think "oh my gosh my baby is never going to want to be put down" (which if I'm being honest I did think in the tough moments when June was an infant) because she will. She will and I'll want to cry when that day comes! And to take the 45 minutes to get ready to go to the park- even if we're only out there for 1/2 an hour, and it seems like a marathon to get organized, because honestly this is one of those times in life when it's really about the means, not about the end. I guess what I'm saying is, these early days are so so incredibly sweet. I could get lost in them, bury myself in them. I love watching this new little member of our family sleep, and better yet, I love having her sleep on my chest; so I'm going to soak it up while it lasts because this stage, it doesn't last for long. Soon she'll be a toddler bounding with energy and I'll be begging her to sit still so I can wipe the jam off of her mouth.
I can't believe we're closing in on the end of our third week with this little girl. She's so precious and I'm so grateful for all the moments we've already shared together.
literally was just yesterday when I took a picture of me standing in front of this crib with a giant belly. and now she's in the crib and my heart wants to burst looking at this picture!
and then daddy who works from home got some cuddles in too because they're only little once.
those cheeks.those toes. that man. ahhhhh; so so blessed. xoxo