Over the weekend I broke three glass items on separate occasions. In no particular order, a bowl, a candle stick and a mug. Is there an old wives tale that corresponds to that particular set of circumstances? I feel like the mirror omen is so engrained in me that I'm led to believe it's bad luck if you break any amount of glass. At any rate, it was horrendously annoying and completely got in the way of my productivity. The bowl and the candle stick smashed into a million little pieces on the ceramic tile in the kitchen and because that's where Cliff sleeps & eats, I had to detour from the cake I was making to sweep, vacuum and then wash the floor. The floor needed to be washed anyway but that's not the point. The point is, I had planned to do any other number of items with my afternoon and instead what should have been a routine hour long cake-baking exercise, ended up taking three.
When I was younger, I don't think I was the type of person who had a clear picture of where I'd be when I was almost 30. I know some people do, but the hardest question I've ever been asked in an interview is "Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?" I know what they want me to say, but I'd have to lie to say that I had a clear picture. In the back of my head I always thought, "I'm not sure yet. Why don't we see how this turns our first, and then I'll let you know where I think I'll be in five years."
But I get that there really is power in goal setting. I'll tell you how I know. When I first moved to Ottawa I lived by myself in an apartment in Lowertown and from the balcony of my place I had quite a view (the apartment itself was another story, but the view - that was really something). Without knowing it, for about 6 months I looked at a huge building in the distance. It was throughout a period of time when I was putting all my efforts into getting a work placement. You know what happened? As I sat in my one-bedroom day in and day out and sent out applications, I would look out my window and see that building. And guess where I ended up getting a job? Yea if you can believe it, in the exact building I stared at every day as I bounced rent checks and prayed I'd find a job.
So I'm a believer; ask and you shall receive. (I'm also a believer of working hard for what you're asking for).
But that's the one time in my life, when I've clearly known what to ask for. The rest of the time, I think I'm more inclined to follow the tides. They took me to London, to the Canadian prairies, and then to Ottawa - all places I never knew I'd visit let alone live in or call home.
Most recently I figured out I had been fighting the tide, so I left school. It wasn't in the plans; the idea was, I would finish the journalism program and I would come out on the other side as some sort of journalist. But I couldn't just tell myself to see it through just because I had planned to.
Despite all this, I know I'm a planner, I'm definitely not a player. It goes against my
control freak type A nature which is why it drives me crazy not to be able to answer; What's next?
But isn't it true that even when you do have plans, they never really turn out as you anticipated? And when you do the opposite, and just let things happen, that's when life takes it's most magnificent form? Sometimes I'm just astounded by the leaps of faith I've taken in my life without even having been aware of it at the time. After all, they've led me to this moment here; the moment I'm most happy with. Despite all the broken glass.