I never thought i would be one to use sports metaphors... but here we are. A rebuilding year: it's the in-between year that teams use to reset the roster, bring in new players, switch out old ones, change their tactics, develop a better defence/offence..... you name it.
I heard the phrase muttered by some sportscaster the other day and i thought to myself, that's kind of a nice way to put it. any scrutiny that people have for a team's lack of performance gets turned to: "Oh it's ok though, they weren't aiming to win because they're in a re-building year."
You know, like the inference is that they've been good in the past, and they'll be good again someday, but this year, this year they're just "taking it off" to re-set the foundation of the team, for the betterment of the future.
And then it dawned on me.
this is how i feel about the past 10 months- i'm in the midst of a rebuilding year.
up until last year, i had been trucking along at a good pace- i got a degree, moved across the country, traveled, got a job i set my sights on. it was fairly predictable and smooth sailing.
looking back things always have a bit more of a rosy glow (like i remember times in the past five years that went anything but smoothly), but at the same time there was always a fluid motion from stage to stage. i never spent anytime thinking, what next?
and here i am.
resetting the foundation. changing tactics. evaluating strategies... you know, rebuilding. (insert groan for cheesiness)
no, no... it's ok.
I know it's ok because the other day i was at a temping agency (you know you've hit rock bottom when) applying for some jobs and the lady interviewing me (who's email was laced with grammatical and spelling errors) said to me (in broken english):
"Why you need two Master's Degrees?" (i.e. "you foolish")
And to my own surprise, i had no problem explaining it to her: I wasn't challenged where I was before. I found myself, filling roles that didn't fulfill me. i'm doing another degree because it's helping me work towards something that will hopefully one day allow me to do something i'm passionate about.
so ya. maybe right now i'm unemployed and i don't know where life's taking me. .....(when you put it that way, it sounds awful.)
but now i'm not going to be stuck pushing paper my whole life in a job that doesn't really have a title or purpose.
things that look rosy in the past, aren't as rosy as they seem. borderline isn't good enough for me - and that's ok to admit to yourself too.
it's just a bit of a painful process in the meantime. to revert to sports again (ha!) there's a lot of losses and a lot of swallowing my pride .....and costing the franchise a lot of money ;)
but that's what a rebuilding year is all about.
and now, one of my favourite "screw convention" songs in honour of blazing your own trail: